Inst a pill. inst a pill and then I’ll be a woman? I never knew it could be that easy. Should it be that
easy? Should it be that easy to change your entire person, your entire life. in a matter of seconds?
The pills themselves were a work in progress. and the company marketing them had a contract as
thick as a phone book for me to sign. and the litany of risks that catne with any procedure like that
was enough to make tny head spin. I wasn’t even sure if that was what I wanted. or if I was maybe
going too far looking for somewhere to belong. I still hadn’t tried chess club yet, leaping into anoth-
er body. potentially dangerously, definitely permanently. was a huge decision for an eighteen year
old to make. That was what tnade it so surprising when I felt the slight resistance of pen on paper,
and then the flourish of a signature. My life. signed away. but my soul. hopefully free.
I’d been told the transformation was often rather severe in terms of discomfort, so I was happy that I
managed to remain unconscious throughout. Succumbing to the anaesthetic. I felt my body fade and
my mind separate from space and time, stretching ever upward. kissing the stars and twirling ever
onward. I felt as if I’d died. and there was no evidence to the contrary. not until the unholy brighb
ness flickered through an absentminded gap in my eyelids. filled the front of my brain with a numb.
dull. pain. and woke me into the life of a woman.
The first thing I remember is being heavy. No. Not so much heavy as my weight being distributed
strangely. It was my chest. which had budded and then some into quite the generous endowment.
Sitting up was a struggle with them inst iutting out into the air. I’d never considered how it might
feel. I’d only sort of had the picture in my head of what it might be like. There was blonde hair rest-
ing on my shoulders. there was a beautiful woman in the mirror across from me. and to my complete
astonishment. she had a smile on her face.
I was given six weeks of further treatment at the facility. wherein my vitals were maintained and an
ongoing psychiatric evaluation had been booked. I didn’t think I needed one, but on the recommen-
dation of my doctor. I finally caved and agreed to see the shrink. They’d set me up with a new ward-
robe. and my apartment had been scrubbed of any signals of my previous life. This wasn’t a callous
or overreaching measure. just a natural one. I needed to move on as there was no way to reverse the Y
chromosome removal. and living in the shadow of a lost life was no way to continue.
With the all clear. I was able to leave the hospital. but not without some considerable steeling of my
nerves. Wearing the body of a woman… No… Living as a woman, was going to be the greatest chal-
lenge I’d ever encountered. and staying inside for a little while longer was so tnuch easier than
having to admit what I’d done to myself. While feeling very naked. alone and frightened. I walked
through the automatic doors at the head of the facility, and took my first step into the real world. It
smelled different. slightly bland compared to the chemicals of the hospital. I took a mental picture
to remember the tnoment, because from then on I wasn’t coming back.