The primary goal of passing as a crossdresser is going unnoticed – being able to enjoy your time as a girl without others being aware you’re transgender. I spent about 70% of my time as a woman before transition and thought I was totally ready for transition.
Passing as a crossdresser is not the same as functioning seamlessly as a transsexual woman. Are you getting a bank loan for a new house in your dress? Are you closing a big new client at work while en-femme? Are you attending your family reunion in full makeup?
My biggest mistakes with not being fully prepared for transition? There were four – I’ll share here – as well as what I would have done differently. In other words? I don’t want you to repeat my mistakes.
Embracing how long it would take
Functioning seamlessly as a woman, getting past all the local drama associated with your transition, becoming totally confident with your new self in all circumstances, establishing a new and healthy non-trans social sphere? These things take a long time – much longer than we would think.
The first big hurdle is getting past your transition being newsworthy to old friends and family. Often, when we first announce our intentions or go full-time – the event is “headlines” amongst past associations. Like all sensational stuff, it just takes time for the story to go from page A-1…to D-37. Essentially, it requires that everybody is now aware of it, at least a few friends meet you in your new gender – report back you look good and seem happy. You can make this process go smoother if you steer clear of creating drama in your new life – don’t engage anyone who makes snide comments early-on: just let it. This too, shall pass.
The other part that can make time seem to move more slowly is a sense of loneliness and isolation that’s common for trans-women. My mistake was thinking I could find solace in trans culture and friends as I did while a crossdresser. There really is no healthy “trans life” following transition. Most girls that live that way are doing so because they’ve yet to build a consequential life as a woman. I also made that mistake – don’t want you to repeat it.
It takes time to find and develop sincere close associations. I want you to invest that effort into real-time female friends that live nearby. Reduce contact with on-line trans friends. The former will enrich your life. The latter is often a source for self-perpetuating victimology and negative impulses.
Not first finishing electrolysis
I mention this repeatedly – and I’m going to keep harping about it. Why? Because almost ever trans-woman fails to get this completed before going full-time – and regrets that oversight. I jumped to heavy laser – figuring that would do the tick. It did…temporarily.
It’s a brutal, painful and expensive process. Get it complete before you go full-time and your journey will be much easier!
Not spending enough femme time doing mundane tasks and interactions
The most overwhelming tasks following transition are often the simplest. I mistakenly used most of my crossdressed hours with trans friends + going to dinner and having fun.
If you want to be ready?
You need to constantly go shopping, interacting and living as a girl leading up to your big change. I’m not talking socially: I’m talking mundane tasks. The key here is to gain more confidence with your demeanor, your voice and your personal style.
It’s the little things that make the big difference!
Not establishing a viable economic plan for a gender transition
Successfully changing a gender is very expensive.
Just establishing an age and event appropriate wardrobe for all seasons is insanely costly – never mind the surgical investments for transition or the increased “chick costs” – like skin care and hair maintenance.
All this takes money – and lots of it. My mistake was thinking my newest deal was going to work out smoothly and fully fund these important changes. I underestimated the overwhelming emotional toll of transition – and its impact on my work productivity. The most successful economic transitions I witnessed were with girls that first saved for their changes and stayed in their present career – dealing with all the snide comments from old comrades.
Most of us would prefer the Cinderella approach – a fresh new start in our new gender where nobody knew the old male self. Alas, Cinderella was a fairytale. It takes a very long time to achieve that look and confidence we dream about.
Be realistic and courageous – and your chances for success improve dramatically.